My Dilemma

                    

I've always wrestled between being a SAHM {stay at home mom} and a WM {working mom}.  I go through many days where I want to get a job.  There are lots of times where I feel like I'm better suited to earn some extra cash for my family then staying at home.    A couple months ago out of frustration , having a bad day, and a lil bit of curiosity I applied for a couple jobs.    Positions that I really had no business applying for {way out of my field} but positions that I had interest in.  I actually got a call back for an interview a few weeks ago for one.  A position that I've been interested about but never had the opportunity.  I thought what the heck, I'll go and interview and sharpen my  interviewing skills and take it as a learning experience.  That is exactly how the interview went, it was a great interview we chatted and laughed and I could tell there was some chemistry.  I honestly thought I wasn't going to get an offer, surely there were other people more qualified.  Then it happened, a week and a half later, I got an offer.  The offer was low, I'm assuming because I had no experience in that field and being on island the salaries suck here.  I asked for a couple days to think about the offer and I would get back to them with an answer.

This is where my dilemma starts....to go back to work or to stay at home.  My first reaction was to take the offer, sure it was low but I wanted to try out the position, and if it didn't work out I would leave.   Then I thought about all the things I would have to change in my life, not only my life but my hubs and kids.  How would they adjust? I mean we've done it before....but I've been at home for awhile now and this would be a major change.  I talked to M about it and I asked him what he thought.  He said that he 120% will back me up with any decision I make.  He did express that he prefer that I stay home, he likes home cooked meals, he likes that the kids are in activities, he likes that most of the house work is done during the week so our weekends are free.  Then I got thinking, I like those things too.  Then I started talking to friends and family.  I got an email from a friend, who is a working mom who recently changed her profession so she can have a more flexible schedule for her family. She expressed to me how she wishes she could stay home with her son, that you can't get those years back and that there is no work experience out there that will fill your heart more then your children do.  She told me she wish she made the profession change years ago.  I had other friends msg me and say things along those lines, working moms who wish they could be in my shoes but financially they can't, other SAHM who also encouraged me to stay home.  I even had a few who said I should get back to work, since Amelia would be in school anyway.  The were a couple comments that stood out:: you can't get these years back and no work experience will compare to being there for your children growing up.

I made my decision.  I decided to decline the offer and stay at home.  I know there are days where I wish that I had taken that job, but I'm sure that the memories that I have with my kid will trump anything I can add to my resume.  There are many days where I feel inadequate or think my kids deserve a better mom.  I just have to realize that I'm trying my best and that's all I can do.  For now I'm going to stay at home and enjoy the time I can with them.  I know soon enough they will be packing up their things and going to college.  Waaaaah I don't even want to think about that!