32 Weeks Update

8 Months down….roughly 2 months to go!  Whahooooooooo.  I had my 32 week appointment on Monday.  It was not great.  Actually it was the worst appointment I’ve been to.  I went through a rollercoaster of emotions in about an hour.   From 12 weeks I have been on a pregnancy path, expecting a c-section.  I was actually asked if I wanted to try a vbac or go with a c-section again.  I honestly am afraid of a vaginal birth because of what happened with Amelia.  I was all set for a vaginal birth with Amelia, I took classes, read books, and watch videos (not many).  I felt mentally and physically prepared.   But when it came to the big day I ended up having a c-section.  I never really progressed.  I sort of felt like a failure, that I couldn’t do it on my own.  It’s kind of haunted me.  So this time I opted for a c-section again because I don’t want to be stressed about it or feel like a failure.  On my 32 week appointment I was excited because I was told I would be scheduled for my delivery.   I was literally crying in the room. It's kind of a lot to explain and I’ve been over it so many times these past few days.  I met with the doc and she was telling me there was no post operation report in my records and that I should try a vaginal birth. I was freaking out because I didn't plan for that and I don’t feel ready.   I expressed to the doc that I didn’t feel ready and that I felt like she was dropping a bomb on me.  I quote “Honey, you have 2 months”!!  Can you believe her nerve??? I cried more.  She suggested I go to the vbac class and by my next appointment I can make a decision.  I ended up going to records myself, and had to talk to 3 people and finally someone found the post operation report. I took it back up to the doc and she said after reading it, we are going to go thru with a c-section. Oh also she "forgot" to mention that I'm anemic again. I went through a whole bunch of emotions and I am scheduled for a c-sec on June 11. I really don't like this hospital. I miss the hospital in Bremerton, where I had Amelia.  I just feel like I’m not being taken care of very well.  Just another patient walking through the halls.   After have a day to think about things, I remembered when I had Amelia I had anemia and I went through NST and blood tests weekly.  The doc never mentioned anything about that.  So the next day I called and I left a message to talk with the doc, I called about 7:45 am.  I didn’t get a call back until 6:30 pm!  I asked about the tests and she said it would be a good idea.  Why am I telling the doc this, shouldn’t she have mentioned it before?? Ugh…I’m just praying for a healthy baby and safe c-section.  I just want to not have to deal with them anymore.  Unfortunately after having the baby I’ll have to deal with them more.  All in all have a bitter taste in my mouth for this hospital.  I can’t wait to never have to deal with them again!  As for how I’m feeling, I feel big!  Big is an understatement!!  I’m tired.  I can’t wait for my husband to come home.  I need some rest! OH and I’m currently 115 pounds! Geeze!

Family Night, Disney Style!

Being overseas the military community does a lot of activities.  Prior to moving here I’ve never participated in a military function.  It’s nice though, it helps break up the monotony.  Weekly at the restaurants on base there are Family nights.  Mills and I have only been to one, there is a buffet with a movie playing and a clown and bouncy house.  It’s also a really good price.  Well there was another family night, but it was a Disney theme and there would be some characters there.  I thought it would be a great idea to go.  So we went with the B fam.  I expected it to be busy, but I didn’t expect it to feel like I was at Disneyland.  By that I mean the lines were nuts.  I think we waited for 45 min just to get in!  The buffet lines were long and they were even grouping families together at tables.  It was kind of a mad house, I should have expected that.  The food was ok, it catered of course towards a child’s palette.  There were characters there, there were lines to take pics with them.  I got Mills to take pics with her fave Minnie Mouse.  I was so excited that she wasn’t scared.  I’m always nervous since she has cried a couple of times taking pics with characters.  I think she is definitely ready to go to Disneyland!   

Decked out in Minnie!

Mills with her Fave

She thought he was Santa! lol

31 Weeks Update

31 weeks at this point.  Contractions still happening on and off, still not painful.  I haven’t weighed myself in awhile.  I’m afraid, I know I’m just gaining and gaining.  It’s a good thing.  Still trying to look cute, not many clothing options at this point.  The weather is becoming nice here so I’ve been wearing more dresses.  I don’t really like wearing dresses that much, but it’s comfy and I like comfy.  Sleep has pretty much eluded me these days.  Between the baby moving, going pee, Mills crawling into my bed…it’s hard for me to go back to sleep after I’m awaken.  This week I’m actually in a training class, I feel terrible because I keep having to use the restroom and I feel like I interrupt the whole class when I leave and come back.  I try to sneak out but it’s no use.   It’s been really nice because I’ve got several compliments on how great I look.  I totally don’t feel it, but it’s nice to hear.  Totally put a smile on my face.   I have a doc app next week.  I’ll be 8 MONTHS!  CRAZY.

Feeling a lil blue :(

I hate looking at the calendar.  I feel like the days are just draggin by.  I feel bad for Mills that I can’t really be there for her.  It’s hard for me to pick her up, I know I’m not as fun as her daddy, I’ve become short fused, and I suck at cooking.  I am glad that this deployment is short, but it sucks being so far away from many of my friends and especially my family.  I want to be strong, but all I want to do is be a wimp.  I find myself tearing up every now and then.  So far it’s been a few weeks with more weeks to go.  The weather hasn’t been great so I think that is adding to my sadness.  I really wanted to do more things with Mills this weekend but the rain stopped that.  Also she has pink eye, it’s been tough because she doesn’t like the gel for her eyes and fights me every time I have to put it in.  She fights me a lot lately.  Every time I tell her to go to time out, she cries for her dad.  Which is strange because he is usually the disciplinary and I’m the one who comforts her.  She listens to him more, usually it only takes a stern voice from him and she will correct herself.  Me on the other hand have to ask her a million times and usually have to bribe her.  I bend more easily these days in order to dodge a breakdown (from her or myself).  I feel like I have no one to talk to, I don’t want to tell him because I don’t want him to worry.  I want him to think I can handle this.  Things just haven’t been easy.  I didn’t really expect them to be, but I just didn’t expect things to be like this.  Maybe when we’re used to things, it will ease up…hopefully this week.  The thought just hit me,  I’m only dealing with one child and one on the way, how is it going to be with 2 kids and he gets deployed?  How am I going to handle things then?  Will I be able to?  We have talked about staying overseas, it’s a very real possibility that he’ll leave on deployment and I’m stuck with 2 kids.  At this point I don’t feel adequate.  Every part of me wants to be able to call him and ask him to come home.  But there is no way in hell that would happen.  We don’t even get to talk.  I was getting emails from him on a regular basis for about a week, then that stopped.  Now they are more sporadic.  Ughhhh…I feel terrible for complaining because so many other wives have it worse.   I just got to have hope that everyday it’s going to get a little easier and everyday done is another day closer to him coming home.  I just got to be strong… strong for Mills, strong for Morgan, and strong for myself.

On a side note>>>

{Starting to get more gifts for the baby, I'm excited!}

{I feel like I want to cut my hair, I feel like I need a change.}

{I got a wedding invitation for a really good friend's wedding in June, I'm sad I can't go.}

Prego Clothes

This being my second time around, I am remembering how it was in my 3^rd trimester.  Luckily I’ve never had to buy pregnancy clothes.  I’ve always just bought a size or two bigger.  I’m pretty petite so it’s not hard finding bigger clothes.  I’m not a big fan of maternity clothes, they are expensive as all hell and where I am living now there is not much selection.  Maybe things would be different if I were in the states and there was a specialty maternity clothing store, but I’m here in Japan and all I have is the exchange.   These days my wardrobe options are getting smaller and smaller.  This part of the pregnancy is not fun.  It’s funny because one day a shirt will fit then the week after its way too snug!  That has become the story of my life these days.  I feel like I’m wearing the same things every week. I’m definitely in a rut.  I’m not necessarily fashion forward but I do enjoy clothes and I like to look cute.  I don’t want to buy anymore clothes because I know the end is near, I’m just hoping I can stick it out for the next couple months.  Lately, I’ve been fulfilling my shopping desires with buying clothes for Amelia.  I should probably stop that because she is running out of space in her closet.  For now I’ll just keep on with my same wardrobe.  Soon it will dwindle down to just leggings and dresses! Haha  I’m glad leggings are trendy!

30 Week Update

30 weeks on Easter!

  I'm so close yet so far away! *sigh*  Things have definitely been tougher on me, since Morgan is gone.  I really hand it to single moms and military spouses, doing stuff on your own is not a walk in the park.  I feel terrible, the everyday things that Morgan did for me I totally took for granted...never again!  I'm only sad it took him leaving to make me realize.  I will let him know how big a help he is to me and to Mills.  Anyways back to the pregnancy.  I've been having lots of contractions.  I generally have them towards the end of the day.  They aren't painful.  I called the nurses' line at to OB clinic and the nurse assured me it was normal and to start counting how many I have in an hour.  If I have 12 in one hour I'm supposed to come right in.  I"m also supposed to be counting kicks, 10 an hour.   I haven't given it much thought because he moves a lot.  Now I'll pay more attention.  Everyone in my office is treating me like I'm about to pop at any moment.  They don't want me standing long, they don't want me walking much, they don't want to stress me out...it's nice but I'm fine. I still am super tired, it's all the peeing in the middle of the night, I have a hard time falling back asleep after.  I downloaded The Hunger Games on my IPad, thinking some reading would help me fall asleep.  NOPE I totally got into the story!  Dang...that was a fail! I'm actually getting a day off this week courtesy of my boss for helping him out big on this recent deadline.  I really can't wait for it!  I am planning on chilling out, not completely...I have a few things to get done but I will for sure relax.  I'm dreaming of how my day will go.   I sure do need the time off, weekends just go by too quick.  I have a doc appointment in a couple weeks, they'll schedule me for my c-section then.  Can't wait.  All in all, everything is going pretty well.  Growing a baby takes it toll!

Easter 2012 Weekend

This weekend was quite eventful.  I made it to 30 weeks and it was Easter on Sunday.  We had a lot of stuff to do this weekend.  On Friday, Mills and I just chilled at home.  I was tired because on Thursday night I couldn’t sleep, she was tired because there were a lot of activities at school that day.  We basically came home, I got dinner ready, we ate dinner, I gave her a bath, then we settled into bed, she was watching Barney on the Ipad and I was reading a book, we both fell asleep.  I’m sure it would have been a cute photo op, but no one there to take it. 

Saturday, I decided to get some doughnuts for breakfast.  We went to Dunkin Doughnuts, Mills requested the pink one!  How girly!  So I got us a half dozen mixed and of course her pink one.  Then I was able to stop by the photographer’s place and grab our pics.  I love them.  I don’t really love a black background…but these pics ended up nice.  It’s crazy because ever since Mills was born we have taken family pics…I haven’t got any of them developed!  I KNOW.  In the age where it’s easier then ever, I have nothing.  So I’m making it a point to get them developed and displayed.  The only sucky thing is that its hard here because it cost so much to get pics developed here.  I sure do miss Costco.   I checked, for an 8x10 its 480 Yen, that’s like $6 US dollars.  I know madness.  Anyways, back to our day.  We went to the hospital they were having an egg hunt for kids on Saturday.  I took Mills there.  I wanted to give her a taste of how it would be on Sunday.  This would be the first time she would have to really compete with other kids for eggs.  She did really WELL!  She even got an egg with a prize in it!  She proudly walked around for the rest of the day with 2 Easter Baskets.  That night after dinner we decorated eggs.  I hate things being messy.  I know I’m crazy cuz I have a 2 year old and soon to be newborn so messy will just be a way of life.  But I’m a little OCD about it.  We have a housekeeper that comes once a month to clean, like deep clean, and I pick up before they come!  Yup, crazy.  Either way, I knew that this was going to be a task for me, I knew it was going to be messy and I needed to be fine with it because Amelia was having a good time.  It took all of me not to freak out.  In the end it wasn’t too bad, Mills had a ball and the eggs turned out pretty cute.  Not too shabby after a 20 year hiatus from dying eggs.

Sunday was a wonderful day!  It was Easter Sunday.   Unfortunately this is the 2^nd Easter in a row that Morgan has missed….sucks.  We tried to make the best out of it.  In the am I gave Mills her baskets, yes plural, she got one from her OR grandparents and one from us.  She was pretty stoked, but what really got her going was the bubbles that we gave her!  She was having a ball blowing and popping bubbles.  We went to the 10 am mass, we met up with the B fam.  After church there was an egg hunt, that was MADNESS!  There were like a billion kids running all over.  The egg hunt area was sectioned off by age, when the older kids eggs ran out they started jumping over the ropes and getting into the little kids area (Mills’ age group was 1-3) .  That was super annoying.  I took off my shoes and had to run while I dragged Mills to get eggs before the big kids could get them….all while being almost 8 months prego.  All in all Mills only ended up with 4 eggs.  It was sort of a blessing in disguise because she has gotten so much candy from her baskets and the egg hunt before.  After the hunt we went to brunch at the Officer’s club.  It was super busy, but what else would I expect on an Easter Sunday???  It was delish, we ate till out hearts’ content and some.   Mills was giving me a bit of trouble, I knew she was tired and in need of a nap.  Soon as we were done and I got her in the car, she fell asleep in 2.5 seconds….out cold.  When we got home I also partook in a nap with her.  I spent the rest of the day finishing up laundry and getting ready for the week ahead.    Weekends are of course my favorite part of the week.  This was our first weekend without Morgan.  I was glad that we were blessed with beautiful weather and we had activities to keep us occupied.  Mills still asks about her daddy, I figure the busier we keep ourselves time will go faster and he will be home sooner  rather than later. 

 

Saturday Night at the Movies

Movie: The Sitter

Rating: *** (out of 5)

Comments:  This was pretty funny, I found myself laughing.  The story was kind of out there.  The kids in the movie were cute.  There were some moments where the sitter was teaching the kids a lesson and it was pretty cute, also good lessons.   But there is no way in hell I would want this sitter watching Mills! haha I always enjoy Jonah Hill movies.  This wasn’t his funniest movie.  It’s not a family movie, lots of cursing, drugs and sex references.  It was a light hearted comedy that it good for a Saturday night.  I wouldn’t buy it on DVD, but if it were on TV I wouldn’t change the channel.

Daddy's Little Girl

When I was pregnant with baby Mills and I found out that I was having a girl, I was ecstatic!  I dreamed about having a lil mini me.  We would get our nails done, I would do her hair all cute, we could obsess over pink together, and all the other lil girly things I can think of.  Fast forward to where we are today and instead of Mills being my mini me, she is definitely Morgan’s lil girl.  She loves being with him, she gets so excited when he comes home, she is even a lil rough around the edges like her dad.  Those two really are partners in crime.  I know it was love at first sight.  He was even the first person to change her diaper!  {On a side note: I was too scared to do it, fearing I would break her}.  She has always favored her dad over me, she said Dada before Mama, {I chalked that up to her having a hard time sounding out the M}.  It is a very cute relationship though, it’s funny how interested she is about the things he does, or even how much more she listens to him over me.  Oh and at her daycare they told me whenever he drops her off she cries, but when I drop her off she doesn’t cry and there are many days where she asks about where her Daddy is with no mention of her Mommy.

But there has been a lil bit of a wrench thrown into the mix.  Lately she has been all over me.  Usually she is all over her dad, but now it’s always me that she wants.  It’s been a nice change, she always wants to sit by me, to cuddle with me, to hold my hand, for me to take care of her and about everything else under the sun.  Maybe things have changed, she can be my mini me after all.  Maybe kids change with age?   I was talking with her teacher about it one day and her teacher quickly informed me that it was “just because I was pregnant”.  She said that it is common for kids to latch on to the mother while pregnant. So now I don’t know where I am.  Is she just hanging around me cuz I’m with child or have I really become her new fave?  I guess time will tell and we will really find out after this lil guy is born.  Can’t I just have both of them?  One mini me and one mama’s boy?  I think I’m being too selfish there.  But in the mean time I’ll enjoy my lil girl while she “latches” on to me J

It's the little things ..

Today I found a card that Morgan left for me.  Man…. I definitely was crying while reading it.  He was just saying that he wished he wasn’t leaving me under these conditions and that I’m strong.  Also that he loves me and Mills and he’ll miss us.   He is so sweet its crazy, I love small gestures, even though it’s a card his words meant so much.  I definitely needed it.  It’s only been a short while and I miss him terribly.  Finding this card made me cry, but totally put a smile on my face.  I’m thinking about how much time we have left till he comes back and it’s a lot of time.  Totally sucks.  Reading this card totally made my heart melt.  I’m glad I found it and it’s things like this that show what a good man I have.  J

29 Weeks Update

Sneak Peak from our Photographer

29 weeks….most things are still the same.  Morgan left on his short deployment.  We were able to take family/maternity pics before he left.  I wanted to take them before he left just in case I had the baby early.  I was really more focused on having family pics and maybe a couple belly shots.  Definitely no bare belly shots.  Thankfully I don’t have bad stretch marks, but I’m just uncomfortable with the whole idea.  I think maybe I’m too shy, but more power to those woman who are able to be bare belly and proud.  We took our pics with a photographer who I sort of knew, through other people who have used her.  I didn’t really want to take studio pictures, since we are on a beautiful island I would have rather taken advantage of the scenery, but because a friend was supposed to take them and then wasn’t able to these were last minute pics. I ended up really liking them!  She was so awesome with Mills too, she was making all these crazy noises and getting her to laugh.  I’ll have to use her again. She is kind of pricey though, but really I was just so impressed I get how she can charge so much.  Other than that, nothing really different.  Well, my cravings for sweets are more intense.  I’ve literally eating ice cream everyday for the past few days.  I am cutting back though, no need for all the extra sugar and calories.

On a side note>>>

{I'm getting a pedi next week,  I really can't wait. Morgan got it for me for our 9 year wedding anniversary}

{I'm nervous how this next month or so is going to go, it's tough being pregnant and having to care for a toddler and going to school}

{I want to get a new book, not sure what to read though} 

Saturday Night at the Movies

Movie: My Week with Marilyn

Rating: ****(out of 5)

Comments:   Michelle Williams was such a great Marilyn!  I have always been a big fan of Marilyn Monroe and so I needed to watch this movie.  Watching it really put her in a different light for me.  I’ve always adored her in movies and pictures, I knew she was troubled but I never really focused on that.  This movie showed a different side, a more human side….and ultimately what lead to her downfall. Either way, great movie and great portrayal of that late Miss Monroe.